So... many, many people who we used to be super close to have "dumped" us within the last year because we "aren't happy" anymore or "y'all just aren't the old James and Rachel"... well after having your heart RIPPED out after so much hope and love was built up after years, we aren't going to be the same for a very long time if ever. We want people to know that we didn't choose to become such awful, unhappy people; it just happened due to the circumstances, and we are trying, but it takes a while to heal from the wound of -we really thought after so many years we were finally going to be parents, but now your eggs are all jacked up and you're not going to be parents-disease. So, we are hopefully on a road to healing... the only thing is, that road could go many different directions!
Most of you know our struggle to start a family has been a very, very, rough, tough and long road. We have been trying for 5 and a half years now with no success. We went through a year and a half of hard core fertility treatment through Texas Fertility Center in Austin. We did all you could do with the last procedure being in vitro fertilization. The morning of our transfer surgery, our doctor came into the operating room, and I knew right away something was wrong... After thousands of dollars, tons of tears, hearts full of hope and emotions on high, he said that he had not so good news: the eggs that had been "perfect" two days earlier where now all degenerated and there was not a single one worth implanting, but he was going to go ahead and implant the 3 that were the least damaged. Of course, two weeks later I had to do the blood test to test for pregnancy even though I already knew what the results would be. Sure enough, the nurse called and you could hear the heart ache in her voice...
That was February of 2010... it took this long for us to even consider going to get a second opinion or to even think about it again. I thought that I, the smart, fun, outgoing Rachel Matus, would jump right back on the horse and continue to ride, but this Rachel Matus lost a lot of herself... James was dealing with his own heartache while trying to be supportive and uplifting. It was very, very tough for him because he was trying to find answers and accept what had happened and deal with his emotions while also having to take care of me at my absolute lowest of lows! So, today we had our appointment for a second opinion with Dr. Wincek at Scott and White in Temple. Well, last night James and I got into a pretty bad argument because our emotions were crazy high again. I wanted to try to stay very positive about today, and because we haven't talked a whole lot about the whole baby thing lately, James and I weren't on the same page so it led to a very upsetting argument on both of our parts. But, we decided to go ahead and go just to put our minds at ease. James doesn't want to see me hurt all over again and have to go through all of the pills and self-injections so he was ready to just pursue adoption... I'm just not ready to give up having my own biological child just yet. So, to make a long appointment short, Dr. Wincek really didn't know where to start, but while we are figuring that out, he wants me "back in the game" so he put me on Chlomed. He thinks that my eggs are very possibly full of genetic abnormalities and will never carry a baby to full term, or that my eggs need to be fertilized outside of the uterus but put right back in because they don't care for the lab setting. So... we got some not very great news which was pretty disappointing, but at least we got some answers. He told us stuff that we NEVER heard at our doctor in Austin. So, we will talk more at my next appointment on May 31. Overall, we were pretty pleased with our appointment, and we both really liked Dr. Wincek!
Now, that was a long, lot of information so I'm not going to say much more. I'm still job hunting... unfortunately I'm in my deer stand and there isn't a dad gum deer anywhere to be found! I had an interview last Wednesday, and I'm really hoping it works out, but I won't know for several weeks.
Also, some of you knew that I was doing the stem trial for the permanent spinal stimulator device implant. Well, once I figured it out and got used to the crazy tingling feeling, it really helped out, so we are waiting to get an appointment from the doctor that will do the implant surgery. It won't make the pain go away, but if I can get off or greatly decrease all the narcotics I'm on, I'll be one happy camper!!! And, I wish I could say something sooooo bad, but James got an amazing phone call that he has been waiting on for quite sometime this afternoon!!! Once it's official, I'll definitely let you know. I will say that I am very, very proud of my Jamesy!I'm SOOOO super ready for summer this year! It's really hard to continually stay motivated to work for a place where it seems like I'm so strongly unwanted! Luckily, my principal and coworkers from my campus are very, very supportive, and that has helped tremendously!!!
James is doing his "man-ly" house work stuff now that the weather is nice. He and dad are working on redoing our back porch, and he is really enjoying that because he likes to spend time with dad and learn things at the same time. He actually enjoys doing that kind of house stuff now that we have a house to be proud of.
Well, word to yo motha... Bahahahaha! No, for real, love all y'all! Find a little positive in every situation you are in. Sometimes that positive may take a long time to show itself, but the positives are what keep us trucking along!
